Quote:
Originally Posted by PinkandBlue
We are older and my stbx has a number of issues. We are trying to save the marriage but I suspect we will end up in divorce. I really don't think my stbx is going to try very hard with this marriage counselor.
At any rate my stbx's MO is to be controlling and manipulative. He has picked a marriage counselor that he agrees to go to. He wrote to the marriage counselor to say that that his first wife cheated on him, and his second most loved angel and saint of the earth wife died. (This is his attempt to come across as a tragic figure and elicit sympathy and support from the therapist).
He then went on to say that he has done a lot of introspection and he realizes that his biggest problem is that he doesn't listen to what his wife wants him to be. (So this is his attempt at giving the therapist a the diagnosis that my stbx wants, so he has little to no work to do).
We have not even hired this marriage counselor yet. We are just at the point of asking if he covers our insurance. So this email is more than precipitous.
A friend has told me that this was done. And the friend said that the only thing my stbx said was that the therapist thanked him for the email.
Would you feel comfortable going to a therapist that accepts this type of email before even meeting both parties? I'm very concerned that this therapist might be easily manipulated by my stbx.
Your thoughts would be appreciated.
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To be honest, I would be more wary of my own husband's immediate and initial attempts to manipulate the therapist and the therapy sessions.
I think it's most concerning and does not bode well for fair and equitable therapy sessions together.
In a prior thread, you said he is cheating.
May I ask why you wish to save this marriage? Are you afraid to be alone? Are you worried that you cannot find someone else? Your husband sounds like an a-hole whom should be dumped.
I would be most upset if my husband 1) were cheating (and I would dump him immediately for this alone) and 2) if he tried to manipulate the therapist from the outset.
So why are you holding on? Or are you sincere about pursuing divorce and finding a lawyer?
And sorry for my blunt/honest/straightforward manner. It's just my style to be very honest and upfront. I do feel for you.... it's not a fun process..... I was about to divorce my husband earlier this week and now am going to attend therapy with him instead. But back to you, I don't like how your husband emailed the therapist with all these details -- not one bit.