Quote:
Originally Posted by KLL85
You’re totally right and I 100% get what you’re saying and realise it has to be me who does the hard and painful work.
I think it was just realisation of the fact that the child part of me that so desperately wants to be loved, cared for and soothed can’t ever get what it wants/needs. I guess maybe that there is some grief in that realisation?
I think I was hoping to hear her say that although the work is my responsibility and it isn’t her job to ‘fix’ me, she at least cared and wanted to support and help me find a way through. Which I guess is the child part searching for validation from other again.
I have to learn to tolerate and get through the pain rather than just shutting it down.
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There is SO much grief that goes along with this realization. It is so hard to let go of that dream, to realize that a mother was never there and never will be.
I disagree though, that we don't know how to nurture because we ourselves were never nurtured. I don't believe that you have never been kind to a another human being. That you wouldn't instinctively try to soothe a baby if there was a crying baby in front of you and no-one else around. You are human. Unless you are a sociopath, you KNOW how to be a decent human being to others. You KNOW what a hurting child needs to feel safe and loved and calm.
I don't think the hard part is knowing how to soothe... I think the hard part is knowing how to believe we ourselves are worthy of soothing. Of being cared for. Of being looked after. We know WHAT to do. We just aren't practised at giving it to ourselves, or accepting it from ourselves.
And, we certainly don't trust that it could ever be enough.
But it will be. It is. Challenging the beliefs that prevent you both giving it to yourself and receiving it from yourself will allow you to move forward from this and heal.