hi rose, i really am so sorry for your loss. you were so devoted to you s.o. you must miss him so much.

the first year after a loss is so difficult. and everything they say about grief is true. it will come in waves, and there will be triggers, often out of the blue and at the oddest times and you might feel no one understands. but many do. just keep reaching out and posting your feelings. forums and hotlines and even people irl who reached out to me were so helpful when i lost my loved ones. my pets and my mother were my whole world and when they died, i felt so lost and alone. i remember being at the doctor's office and having to fill out a form and when it came to who they should contact in case of an emergency, no one immediately came to mind. the loneliness was indescribable. i know of some women who still miss their long-departed husbands. but our pain has softened. i wish there was an easier way.

i am glad your time in the hospital was so nurturing. i hope one day that hole in your heart will be healed. what a wonderful step you took in having your place cleaned. my thoughts are with you.