I have a partial understanding of what you are going through because of two deaths effecting my FOO. You may go in and out of the rabbit hole but as time goes by, hopefully, it will happen less often.

I am going through a different kind of challenge and told my church this week. They were able to connect me to someone with life experiences that are well matched to my challenges. That I know I am in their prayers has given me a lift. Have you considered joining a church or another type of group (I know many have mentioned there are grief groups and that you are looking into that)? Perhaps a local mental health group could be another option. We are always glad to listen. I think it helps to talk and post.