I personally don’t think he is insecure. He might be but not every insecure person is an abuser, I feel like his insecurity isn’t the cause of these outrageous situations .

I think he is controlling of you and the kids. It could be camouflaged by “I am crying you aren’t home because I love you so much” when in reality he needs you home to care for the children and he is not fond of you having your own life, all signs of control. You really don’t know if he can’t take care of responsibilities because all he thinks is you. When he is about with friends he is ok not thinking of you, he is capable of functioning. Him not taking care of the children is unlikely caused by being preoccupied whth you. He sure says a lot of things. I’d not buy half of it

The scene with your child is very disturbing. Both events involved a young child. it’s very upsetting

Do you intent to stay with him? It will continue causing you health problems and eventually it will cause many many issues for your children, it likely already did. Do you have a plan?