Yep, that's what I have understood based on your story.

Btw, my T has felt the need to use some quite drastic measures to protect the treatment. Paradoxically it means setting several ultimatums in the form of 'if X happens again, then the treatment is over'. When he has set these ultimatums I have been like 'how can you do this to me?'. But when I look at it from a distance, I can see that the less drastic methods would probably not be able to hold back my destructive part. Somehow I have always known that the core of my treatment will be my attempts to destroy it in every way I can and somehow I have also always known that my T has the capacity to work with that. But we are talking about doing things here, i.e. actions and not words, no matter how aggressive.

I don't know, is it really interesting? I mean, the initiative is all hers. If she wouldn't contact me, I would not feel any need to contact her either. My achievement is that I don't get upset when she contacts me.

I think I have found a quite good solution for myself. She doesn't get anything of me - she doesn't know about my life, my thoughts, my feelings. If something good happens to me, I don't share it with her. If I have problems, I will not seek support from her. She is not part of my family.

On the other hand, she can consider me as part of her family if she wants to and that does not define me. I've understood that occasionally calling me and talking to me about her life makes her feel good, makes her feel like she has a daughter. I know that she really doesn't but I consider it my achievement that I don't feel any desire anymore to deliver this message to her.