Ya, I hear you - 100%. I wouldn't want any of that to scare our children, further. My daughter is ok but that's how she's presenting herself. We're not a couple who have screaming matches and physical fights so I don't doubt this was alarming. I find it interesting that she referred to this incident as the "small problem" though. I regret shutting the door in the first place. Had I not done that, none of it would have happened.

He's a trigger for me. I've been working on not allowing myself to be reactive to his antics. I've been trying to disassociate from him and just focus on the girls.

But I'll admit, I've seen some gains from him. He's more respectful and present when we're out in public. He's taken more time to listen. He's working through his DBT workbook, actively.. doing his meditations and deep breathing. So I guess my guard was down. I didn't pick up the "rejection" behaviours earlier in the night.. so when he disregarded what I was doing, it hit a nerve.. so I shut the door.

We're both working on things. Yes, I have been seeing therapists. They've validated all my concerns. My previous one said I have "a lot to be angry about". I've been taking time for myself to decompress.. finding creative outlets.. spending fun times with our daughters or as a family.

We're not in crisis on a weekly basis. When we are, it's behind the scenes. We really are trying to be the best parents to our kids.

I just can't meet his emotional needs. I can't let everything go and trust him like all is well. I keep telling him we're in the healing stages and it'll take time. But once I set a personal boundaries, he becomes emotional. I can't be who he wants me to be in a snap of a finger. I do find him controlling.