Quote:
Originally Posted by Blunderring
Six months ago, an old female friend made contact after 30+ years, divorced and she has 2 kids.
She is troubled, but not reaching out
Just getting older and guess just wanted to finally check in after all these years.
I've had on/off quicky email conversations with her and my 2 year new wife knew about this.
The old "flame/girlfriend" .. I did tell her that I truly loved her when we were together at age 16/17,
Now my new wife, gets on my email and sees that I have emailed her on/off and stated that I loved the old flame way back then and even stated I have no desires for her except be a friend, like any of my other email/Facebook friends.
Wife is terribly upset after reading posts and seeing videos of old music we shared as teens.
What can I do/say to my WIFE that I already haven't told her other than I LOVE her and married HER and she has nothing to be concerned over.
My wife is an old high school friend and we got together after talking on Facebook.
i was married to my job since age 18 and got married at 59 for the first time. HELP, do I delete the old flame's email and have no contact? What should I do? I left my computer up/open so my wife if she wanted to SNEEK IN on my emails, she could to see that i had nothing to hide.
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Ok.. just playing devil's advocate..
You introduced this woman to us as an "old female friend" but later referred to her as your "flame/girlfriend".
She made contact with you after 30 years, via Facebook? She contacted a married man, as a single parent of 2. She's troubled and
not reaching out for help. Does your FB status say "Married"? Then conversations moved into your private email account?
You "guessed" she was reaching out "just" to check in but you're not entirely sure what her intention was when she decided to make that initial contact.
What exactly did you tell your wife about her?
You tell this "flame" that you "truly loved her" but that things didn't work out due to distance and her parents (which are no longer relevant). Then, you left these email exchanges accessible for your wife to read.
Your wife snuck into your email account because she doesn't trust you. Despite her past, a person is going to snoop if they have reason to believe that their partner is up to "something".. not because they had an ex who lied. Is it possible you gave her a reason to not trust you, somehow?
Did your wife know this person back then? Did you tell her she's a troubled woman who is currently single or did she find that out for herself?
What's your interest in this woman? It's one thing to catch up and let your wife know. It's another to develop a new "friendship" with a single, old, troubled "flame". I suspect other FB friends from your list are not single exes who "reached out" to you?
The bottom line is, your wife is bothered by this. Who is this person that you'd consider telling your wife to just "get over it"? She's not just an old, old friend from long ago. She's a person you loved very much and told her so, while married. At this stage in your lives, our experiences have cemented who we are. You can't change how your wife feels.
I wouldn't compromise your marriage with a this woman. It's unfortunate you already advanced this seemingly innocent conversation, via private email.
I would email this person and thank her for contacting you. It was great reconnecting with her and reminiscing about the past.. that you wish her all the best. Tell her to enjoy the rest of the summer.. and leave it at that. If she questions you, tell her you are wanting to be mindful of your wife, whom you love very much, and not inadvertently cause her any reason for concern.
That's my personal opinion, anyway.