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Guest
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Jul 12, 2020 at 02:07 PM
This is a poetic and vivid expression of what being constantly vigilant and externally referent feels like to me. Great analogies.
When I can't experience and express a sensation in the moment because I'm anticipating shaming or outright violence, then I lose the sense of fulfillment and meaning that others gain from simply being. I'm referring to others outside me for permission rather than allowing my own internal processes to vivify positive sensations.
I find insights like yours to help me when I can take them from my head to my lived, present moment experience. 
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