#3 means not having clear vision of himself. One day he think he is the greatest person and the other day he hates himself. Then he wants one thing one day and then something different tomorrow. No stability in self image.

Well if you want to stay in abusive relationship, the one way to cope is to always do what he wants and never question him and appease him at all times agreeing with everything and never make any waves. Sounds like an awful way to live but there is really nothing else if you intend to stay. Any other methods don’t usually work.

Well you can also live a parallel life avoiding him. Well for that you need to be out of the house, working or something and kids need to be at school and gone to other things. For that kids need to be older