Thread: Assault?
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Old Jul 12, 2020, 05:04 PM
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Member Since: Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MsLady View Post
It's only been in the past 2 years that things have escalated. I'd say about 4-5 times where I felt completely beside myself. He has never threatened police or social services before.

In our last episode last month, where there was an escalation (not in front of the girls) it was over another boundary to do with our daughter. He gave me 10 things he had concerns with about my parenting. "Abuse" was not one of them. I spoke to a parenting specialist and she concluded I was not at all doing anything inappropriate. I emailed him her responses in which he responded with, "Ok." He then said he'd book an app, too, to get a second opinion from someone else.. and he attended. Not a single word about her feedback. It tells me I'm NOT mishandling my children, causing a wedge between their bonding, or "damaging" them in the way he accused me of.

I'm unable to return to work until Feb. 2021. It's all to do with technicalities. I'm unable to leave this relationship and my plan is to take the next unit available. We live in a very expensive city and there are financial obstacles for me.

He will undoubtedly fight for 60% custody to claim child support, child tax, and other government refunds. I think this is true because he's just filed for personal bankruptcy and can't afford to live financially independently. This scares me A LOT. If I were to leave, it would have to be at a time we were NOT in a turmoil situation so he'll less likely hang me. It's a very stressful crossroad I'm on.

So for now, I'm having to play into it his way. He's currently love bombing me right now.. hugs and kisses.. filling up his own well. He thinks it's "positive".. but, he didn't once text me during my break away.. and I took a longer break today.
But I remember you saying that you saw his "true colors" during the second pregnancy. This began long ago, according to what you've said before.

Are you married or are you just partners who coparent?

You could get free consultations with a few different lawyers to find out what the legal repercussions would be for you? I would explore this and learn as much as I can about how to protect myself and how to exit.

When you say you are waiting to take the next unit available, do you mean move and without him?

I wouldn't worry about how he's going to land on his feet. It's his own doing, this bankruptcy, and it's not your responsibility. Your responsibility is to protect yourself and your children.

Your child witnessed him accusing you and threatening to call the police. She may not show damage on the outside and in front of you, but damage is occurring. Your children will be negatively effected by witnessing what is happening, even if it's periodically or infrequently. They have witnessed you pushing him out of the door, which is some form of physical aggression, they have witnessed shouting and they have witnessed abuse.

I would be researching every single way to figure out how to get out of this relationship, even if it takes the next 8-10 months to accomplish. I would be planning my exit strategy right now.

That's what I was doing, as you know, within my own relationship. The abuse became too much to bare, and I wasn't going to tolerate it one second longer. Planning my exit strategy felt most empowering. I was taking the situation into my own hands.

But for you, he wants you to cater to his every need while he's also abusing you.
The love bombing and giving you space on your break is just to appease you until the next incident occurs.
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