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Originally Posted by Have Hope
But I remember you saying that you saw his "true colors" during the second pregnancy. This began long ago, according to what you've said before.
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My baby is only one.
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Are you married or are you just partners who coparent?
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Common law.
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You could get free consultations with a few different lawyers to find out what the legal repercussions would be for you?
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In terms of the incident or separation?
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When you say you are waiting to take the next unit available, do you mean move and without him?
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Seperate from him. I've already told him that once a unit becomes available, we should really consider what the best option is for our family. I don't drive so if we live in the same cooperative housing, we could both have access to our children daily.. plus swap our dog back and forth. Neither of us can afford living in the city as a single parent. His response was that he wants us to stay together forever.
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I wouldn't worry about how he's going to land on his feet. It's his own doing, this bankruptcy, and it's not your responsibility. Your responsibility is to protect yourself and your children.
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I'm not worried about his financial situation. I'm worried that because of his financial hardship, he'll likely fight for 60% custody so he can claim child support and child tax, decreasing my income, further.
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Your child witnessed him accusing you and threatening to call the police. She may not show damage on the outside and in front of you, but damage is occurring. Your children will be negatively effected by witnessing what is happening, even if it's periodically or infrequently. They have witnessed you pushing him out of the door, which is some form of physical aggression, they have witnessed shouting and they have witnessed abuse.
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They have witnessed a few things, yes. I didn't "push" him though. I'm unable to physically move him. But yes, it was wrong of me to do that. My daughter said the incident in dad's room (yelling/threats) was the "big problem" for her. Not only was he loud, he was also scaring her into believing I was doing something wrong. I was only there to talk with her. I was shaking and my voice was shaking and this definitely had an effect on us.
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I would be researching every single way to figure out how to get out of this relationship, even if it takes the next 8-10 months to accomplish. I would be planning my exit strategy right now.
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Well I'm already on the internal waitlist for a 1-2 bedroom townhouse. I'm financially unable to do anything right now. The only solution I have is to keep us all busy. Covid19 made that difficult. I'm also understanding him better now and will seek advice on how to support a person with BPD, even if I'm wrong. He definitely exhibits a lot of the characteristics. There is support out there for family members.. I just have to find it.
My career does not offer great wage increases. I've had many raises along the way but the cost of living and increases of union dues, medical, etc, keeps me at the same difference as I always had. So I can't afford to react and hang myself financially. I'm giving myself up to the next 4 years to solidify my situation.
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That's what I was doing, as you know, within my own relationship. The abuse became too much to bare, and I wasn't going to tolerate it one second longer. Planning my exit strategy felt most empowering. I was taking the situation into my own hands.
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Ya, I've still been following your story. I was glad to hear that.
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But for you, he wants you to cater to his every need while he's also abusing you.
The love bombing and giving you space on your break is just to appease you until the next incident occurs.
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No, I wouldn't say that. He wants me to fulfill his emotional needs. He supports me a lot, too, with different things. We coparent well, on normal days. These incidences are infrequent. It's just happening more intensely since covid19.