Hi everyone,

I'm trying to help my partner deal with an issue from her past and I'm a little lost and really could do with some help/advice/thoughts from you.

Many years ago my partner broke up a long term relationship she was in. Her ex pursued her for three years following the breakup but the pursuit was very much him trying to get emotional comfort from her and her witnessing his ongoing distress and inability to accept the breakup. This led to her constantly putting her own feelings aside in order to deal with him and his distress. She constantly had to witness his grief and she constantly felt guilt about that.

Skip forward many years and she still wakes up ever night (4am) disorientated and confused that her ex is not in the bed beside her. She then remembers that she broke up with him and life has moved on.

When she and I discuss their breakup or their relationship she is ok but if she starts thinking about her ex in that post-breakup period she becomes very distressed.

She's reluctant to see a therapist and I think really the best that's going to happen is she will keep talking to me about the whole situation but I could do with some thoughts/ideas on what might be going on and how to help her move through it.

Is she still grieving the relationship? Is her distress and nightly wake ups a form of trauma?

Any thoughts very much appreciated.

Thank you
Nick