What I am trying to say is you don't know if he has BPD unless he gets diagnosed as such by a doctor. You're assuming he is. He should get diagnosed by a doctor before you start believing he's BDP without any diagnosis.

I would also insist that he continues his therapy sessions. I would make it a condition of being with him in any way.

Can't you separate from him within the home and do a formal separation if need be? Why do you have to give into his needs, when 1) he has traumatized you and 2) he has shown he can be abusive.