I've been thinking a lot about the incident.. can't get it out of my mind. I'm starting to think he believes the BS. Afterall, I did shut the door on him, which angered him, and furthered it up by leaning into him to get him out. He was yelling at me and he doesn't normally. So, I was at fault here. I believe it got to this point though because he felt rejected by my boundary at dinner time. Had my radar been on, I would have preceded differently, and not personalize his disregards when managing my daughter's tantrum. The second half scenario had the most impact and damage, even my daughter said so.. NOT mom "physically assaulting" dad.

I'm not allowing him to get away with it but there is a bit of a dance. We usually discuss these scenarios but I've been unable to talk about this one. I really believe he totally misread my intentions. The piece about "paranoia" in BPD seemed quite fitting. He claims he was protecting our daughter. In his head, maybe he was. He was stuck.

Eventually I'll be talking with him about it. I've made a lot of headways with him. It's because of me he's been in therapy, working through the DBT, being more mindful of the boundary issues. He says I have the tendency of pointing out all his "flaws" .. you bet! I want him to look at himself honestly. If it weren't for my persistence and ongoing explanations about how his behaviours affect me, he wouldn't have started the DBT. Our couples counselor was clear. She said, if he wants intimacy and affection, he will need to neet my needs first because I'm already telling him what's causing the barriers for me.

I also believe things need to get worse before it gets better. I'm not GIVING myself to him. I'm still giving him boundaries. I just have to meet him part way so he'll continue to find purpose in his therapy. I don't want him making permanent and damaging decisions that will affect my relationship with my girls.