If you believe he has brain damage due to drug abuse, he must see a doctor ASAP. If you have access to a medical care, making an appointment should be a paramount. They’ll see patients with precautions (wear mask and follow other guidelines). If I thought my husband has brain damage, he’d have to see a doctor right away.

Now you said he has lesions from MS snd it causes him being abusive. I know people with MS, none are abusive but if you think MS and lesions causing abuse, again I’d insist that doctor provides that explanation. I’d go to a doctor with him and would want to hear it from a medical professional. I wouldn’t want to just assume MS and lesions cause abusuve behaviors

If you think he has BPD as well, it’s harder to diagnose but he first must see a doctor and ask for a referral to see a psychiatrist. No employer provided therapist will not diagnose. Proper diagnosis needs to be determined by a medical doctor

Your child is only 3. I’d not determine severity of one incident compare to another incident by what she says about it. She is too young to analyze what’s going on between her parents and which incident is more unacceptable.

What exact boundaries is he violating? Yours or his kids? You talk about boundaries but never provided an example of him violating boundaries. Could you give an example of him violating their(or your) boundaries?