I get people don't understand. There's a lot at risk here. I have no means to leave right now. I worry about how he'll retaliate and use the girls against me. These are real concerns and fears. The only plan I have is not readily available. It's going to take time. If I understand how he operates, I can depersonalize his behaviours, give him some of what he needs, and maintain peace for our daughters.. until my plan becomes available.

I came her because covid19 opened my eyes. I posted this thread to get feedback about my role in this.. for support.. and to release. I need to vent, clearly. It's been an emotionally hard week.