I do understand trying to keep peace until you can leave. I get it. I am just not sure about all this attempts of diagnosing. It might just muddy the water

I do know he has MS but I’d like to hear directly from a doctor that lesions from MS are causing abusive behaviors.

Was he diagnosed with BPD? He might have something else instead. Yes his behaviors do sound like it might be that but you don’t know for sure. Plus just books won’t provide consistent improvement whth BPD. Plus before you had other diagnosis in mind. There were several

It sounds like you two have different views on parenting and pretty much on everything else and might be just be a bad match. You described many of his inappropriate behaviors with other women and with you and kids and his bad attitude about money and his dishonesty all kind of bad habits. He just sounds like someone you don’t blend well with because he just isn’t the right person, sadly. DBT books won’t make him someone he isn’t.

He could improve some behaviors of course but It doesn’t always have to be a mental or physical illness that causes the issues. He might just be who he is. Not the right guy for you