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Originally Posted by divine1966
I do know he has MS but I’d like to hear directly from a doctor that lesions from MS are causing abusive behaviors.
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Any form of brain injury can impair a person's behaviour. My step dad who was always quiet and reserved became quite verbally abusive towards my mom, after his stroke. It just depends on where the damage to the brain is.
I did find a medical article that said some MS patients were reported to have developed narcissistic like behaviours later on. It was concluded that it's possible that a person with MS could develop a personality disorder, due to the brain lesions. There hasn't been a study that I've come across but it's a possibility. Top that off with a previous drug addiction.
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Was he diagnosed with BPD? He might have something else instead. Yes his behaviors do sound like it might be that but you don’t know for sure. Plus just books won’t provide consistent improvement whth BPD.
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Like I said, his therapist is a certified psychologist. She recommended the DBT. As much as you don't think a book will help, it's what's worked, so far. He's committed to it. He didn't say he quit therapy. He said he wanted to continue working through the book more, before making another appointment. I'm ok with this for now.
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It sounds like you two have different views on parenting
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I have a lot more experience in parenting than he does. I have a 20yr old. For him it's been about lack of experience and awareness. We have pretty good talks about strategies, it's been ongoing. I do see him mimick me with certain things. He does try. He's a good dad. I just wanted him to be mindful of some areas I felt could be damaging.
After my meeting with the parenting specialist, he's backed off with the "concerns" he had against me.. and really because it was over a boundary issue I had against him towards our daughter.
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and pretty much on everything else and might be just be a bad match.
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Yes, we are very different. Our past experiences are very different. Our childhood experiences are very different.
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You described many of his inappropriate behaviors with other women
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This is one area I've seen him actively work on where I've seen improvements in. He says he's wanting to be more present when we're out together. He has been. It's a good sign.
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bad attitude about money and his dishonesty all kind of bad habits. He just sounds like someone you don’t blend well with because he just isn’t the right person, sadly. DBT books won’t make him someone he isn’t.
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I'm not sure about that. The impulsive risk is a sign of BPD. If DBT is suppose to help with BPD, it may help his behaviours around spending? He's bankrupt now and has to provide financial statements and things. He's forced to budget so I think this experience will be good for him. He also won't be allowed credit for I think 6 years.
In terms of dishonesty, he came forward about the financial stuff and compulsive lying to both his parents and I. I'm not sure what prompted him to do that, though.
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He could improve some behaviors of course but It doesn’t always have to be a mental or physical illness that causes the issues. He might just be who he is. Not the right guy for you
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This I understand. The probability is high for me, though. He does suffer from occasional depression with suicide ideation. He's also anxious (we both are). All that IS mental health. Add in the MS brain lesions and previous drug addiction, I don't think I'm far off the mark.
There are definite behaviours that are strictly more about him "just not being the right guy" for me. But I don't believe he's "just" an abusive jerk. There's something else going on there.