Hi Everyone -
I'm new to this forum and wanted to introduce myself. I separated from my husband of 27 years in January, 2020. He had a brief affair in 2011, which he told me about. We went to marriage therapy for 8-9 years which helped us with communication and co-parenting, but did little else.

My problem was that I was trying to build trust with him, but he consistently did things to sabotage any progress I may have made. I'm not naturally a trusting person anyway, but he wasn't transparent about his phone and I caught him lying to me about going to a bar after work (which is how his affair happened). I think that was the final straw. It appeared that he really didn't care whether I trusted him or not. He wanted to do what he wanted to do.

We had difficulty connecting on a deeper level and, because of that, didn't have sex often. That was his major complaint. I found it difficult to talk with him because he was always looking at his phone or would reply with one word to something that took me 10 minutes to explain. I felt very alone and unappreciated.
We are friendly, still - and I think that makes this more difficult. He tells me that I'm the love of his life, but he sure didn't treat me that way! More than anything, I'd love for him to be the partner I want and need so that our family can stay intact (our children are all over 18 now). But, I have to be honest with myself.
I was miserable and lonely for years! I have to constantly remind myself of that.

We haven't filed for divorce . . . yet. We both believe it is coming and have lightly discussed it. But, it feels like I'm stepping off a cliff. I just don't know how to maneuver this. That's why I'm here.

I hope my story can be beneficial to others, and I'm hoping to get hope and clarity as my process moves forward. Right now, it's very lonely but I'm hoping that I'll find love again when I'm ready.