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gordian_knot said:
My wife's abusive behaviour is caused by a chronic chemical imbalance in her brain, which causes a bunch of other behaviours as well. I'll try to make my family understand that.

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Yes, this is also how I see it, but the friends I've confided in have called it "making excuses for him". I see a big difference between being able to articulate an understanding of a problem versus "making excuses for someone", but they apparently do not.

I stick with telling my therapist and my friends online. Some friends online, even here, have gone as far as to say similar things, but it doesn't sting as badly. My therapist has never once made me feel as though I'm reacting to my reality in a less than healthy way.

I don't know what advice I can give about sharing with family and friends. It has completely backfired on me, so I guess I just wouldn't do it. I do wish you better luck than I have had, though, and as I mentioned before, HIS friends were more compassionate than MY friends have been, so choosing a mutual friend is probably a smart move on your part.