I am confirmed to be in a mixed episode. My pdoc also went back and showed me from her notes that this happens every year, even the years I think it didn't. So we're doing exactly what has worked every year since I've been on clozapine and increasing my dose by 25 mg for 3 days and lowering my Emsam dose for the same time. Then we'll reassess. I'm not going to start the change until tomorrow because I have to take my cat to the vet tomorrow and the increased clozapine makes me sleep a lot, which is the point. She said I did a good job catching this early and getting to her (although this appointment was set months ago so I didn't have to do anything but I would have because I know my sleep patterns are my mood patterns and I've been very moody for a while. )

My therapist seemed more skeptical and seemed to think I'm just having a hard time because of things going on in my life. He's not wrong but he can't see the mood for himself over the phone. And then I just wanted to apologize for being moody with him and we're working on not apologizing all the time when it is not needed. It was just a weird session with him. I'm feeling messed up about it though because I started crying near the end and because he can't see me he didn't know. I should have told him I suppose but there wasn't time to get into it and I just was done. If I had let the tears really come they wouldn't have stopped.

I just am tired. I hope I sleep tonight. I feel pretty wound up but maybe.