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I type better than I talk, so I'm writing out a summary of the last seven years or so of my life to send to them, and I'll call them to talk to them about it afterward. That way I won't miss anything, and I can be careful to only include the facts and to leave out the emotion. I don't want them to hate her.

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I think if I did this and my H found out about it, he would be very upset and hurt. Honestly, if the shoe was on the other foot and my H wrote family members and friends about me, I would be beyond upset.

Having a friend you can vent to can be very helpful. However, I think there is a limit to this disclosure. In my opinion most people do not really understand the issues you are facing. If you really want support, find yourself a good T and use them as your independent ear. This way you do not over burden your friends with stuff they really don't understand. Also you don't run the risk of your therapist: passing along information to other family members (family gossip--major problems), mentioning what you disclosed to your wife, or trying to help in less than helpful ways.