Hello PinkScience: I see this is your first post here on PC. Welcome to Psych Central. Another forum, here on PC, that may be of interest to you would be the Relationships & Communication forum. Here's a link:

https://psychcentralforums.com/relat...communication/

I don't think your concern is one I can address. Hopefully there will be other PC members who will have some thoughts they can share. My personal thinking, with regard to this, is that your sexual orientation concerns are something perhaps best delved into with the help of a skilled mental health therapist. One concept you might take a look at though, regarding your former relationships with men, involves your attachment style. Here are links to 4 articles, from Psych Central's archives, on the subject just in case you're unfamiliar. Included is a link to a quiz you can take on the subject:

What Is Attachment and Why Is It Important?

What's My Attachment Style and Why Does It Matter?

How to Change Your Attachment Style

Romance and Attachment Quiz | Psych Central

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.