I came across the term emotional dysregulation recently, too. It talked about how it's often a case of frontal lobe damage. It came up when reading about BPD so I'm not surprised you have a similar experience with that. At the very least, BPD or not, I definitely believe my partner is emotionally dysregulated.

I have 3 children and it's only my 3 year old that exhibits seperation anxiety. It's why we put her into preschool. It's who she is and has nothing to do with her sleeping arrangements. I've been working with her around it. She's definitely improving and becoming more sociable with others, including other children her age. Having said that, if I told her today I'd be moving back into my room, she'd panic. I've already frontloaded with her about it and see a glimpse of fear to the idea. My plan is to move forward at her pace, much like I did with her preschool transition. It was slow but she was finally able to be there without me being present. We were all very proud of her, and so was she. Then covid19 came.

My older son did not have seperation anxiety at all. We bedshared as well. I'd drop him off to daycare full time, 730-4, mon-fri, starting at 1yr. I was devastated but I became a single parent, enrolled back to school, in order to find a job to financially support us. Dad didn't pay support until he was a teen. Anyway, he was not at all anxious about it. I'd cry in the elevator. He was pretty chill. My 3yr old, very much the opposite.

So.. I don't want to muck up that for her. I don't want to be forced into multiple directions, trying to adjust so many different things at once, while financially drowning. I've always been financially independent.