Quite a depressing pdoc visit today.

I had some paperwork that had to be completed for total disability insurance. My pdoc said no way am I ever going to be able to work again and noted that my cognition was ‘slowed’ and that my bipolar is very brittle. Nothing new but it was still hard to hear again how much my life now sucks compared to pre-bipolar.

We discussed the fact that my mood is low, how flat I feel and my desire to decrease my meds (not that I’m not on that many). She said “no go” with reducing my meds stating that every time we’ve tried to cut down on Seroquel that it has backfired and I’ve ended up in an episode and unstable. She has a point. She also said that she wants me to do something to engage my brain daily. E.g plan/organise dinner ( we eat a lot of low-cal freezer meals.) That will relieve some of the boredom that comes with stability.

Hugs to those who need them.