He took me out for a fine dinner last night. He treated me because he knew I had had a really bad couple of days at work.

Maybe I should not have mentioned after dinner anything about divorce and what I had been thinking just last week. The reason I even brought it up is because it seemed like he wanted me to forget everything that had happened, to trust him now and to move forward based solely on his new promises. It made me upset, so I reminded him of what I had been thinking of doing only just one week ago. This was right after he had treated me to a nice meal, on the drive home. He's now making me feel guilty for having said something, because he now feels sad.

But I should not feel guilty for having to remind him of where we truly are right now. Just because he treats me to a nice meal does not erase the incredibly nasty words he has hurled at me in a moment of rage, and only just TWO weeks ago on his birthday when he was yelling at me again. He has been hateful towards me, and words DO stick. I remember nearly all the nasty words he has thrown at me. Hateful is how I can describe the behavior -- certainly not loving.

As my best buddy Arthur always says, "throw enough s-h-i-t at the barn door, and it will stick". That's what it is like for me.