Oh yeah. Big time. I am so sorry you are going through the emotional and mental anguish dissociation brings.

Before I knew what DID was, I also heard what you described. And it made me feel to powerless. One day I left work in a shattered mood. I was upset with myself over the situations going on at the office. The angry voices in my head started up. One of them was criticizing me and telling me what a looser I was. Then a different "voice" (both sounding like me - but having their own personality and way of saying things) talked back to the angry voice and was telling it to shut up and leave me alone.


The next thing I know I was looking at myself from above my head like in an out of body experience, except I was still attached to the body (almost like sitting on my own head). Suddenly, I was watching an all out fist fight! My body was literally hitting itself in the head, stomach, and grabbing my arm. I had pulled over (thankfully) and was just watching this happen. I had NO control over what was going on. And it scared the living heck out of me.

That was the day I decided to ask for help. Therapy gave me understanding as to how this happened. It helped me realize that it was a survival mechanism that my brain used when I was a very young child. I could not handle the emotional pain that others were putting onto me, so my brain created alternate persons who could "hold" the emotions and memories for the rest of the brain. That kept the rest of the brain safe and free to continue growing.


All of this happens on the subconscious level in childhood (which is when true DID can be created).

"But dissociative identity disorder seems to develop only as a result of childhood trauma. Often the symptoms of a dissociative disorder do not become apparent until adulthood, but it is generally felt that trauma which occurs solely in adulthood will not result in a dissociative disorder."

What causes dissociative identity disorder? | PODS

Due to the very nature of DID and how it is created, what you are experiencing is to be expected. It is very disconcerting. However, this can signal that it may be time to begin healing.


Healing is not easy. And it has a goal that will be personal to you. Some people want to fully integrate and have the voices just stop. Others (like me) want to understand those "people" on the inside. After all, they are US.