So I'm visiting my mom and my stepdad said a little while ago "remember when (my name) used to hide biscuits under her pillow?". It just made me feel very ashamed. I think I heard somewhere that some kids have food because they're ashamed and they don't want to be ridiculed for wanting to enjoy something. I'm 26 and I'm that way now. I don't like eating certain foods around my mom or stepdad, especially my stepdad, because I don't want them saying anything or looking at me with looks of disappointment.

I'm obese and I know I have an eating problem. It started when I was sexually assaulted as a kid. As I was growing up my stepdad would say things like " you're going to be as big as a house!" I just decided not to eat when he's around because I didn't want to hear him say anything, I still do that sometimes today, especially if it's something sweet.

My mom is my best friend, but I feel like I can't talk to her sometimes about the way I feel because I'm afraid she will just say "get over yourself." She may be right but I still would like to understand the deeper issue into my problem instead of the whole "get over yourself" thing.

I don't know why my problem is, but I try time and time again to lose weight but then I give up and one thing that keeps playing in my mind when I give up " I don't want to disappoint my mom or I don't want my to be disappointed in me." It's like I feel like I have to be fit in order for my mom not to look down upon me.

She probably doesn't feel that way but I just feel that way and it goes along with me not wanting to eat certain things in front of them. I even snuck food by them cause I didn't want them to say anything to me.

I do want to get healthy but I've got to get over whatever it is in my brain that causes me want to give up. I know it's me doing it to myself I just don't know why.