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The one y/o was missing for a minute. You got into an argument with your h over whose responsibility is was to watch her. My mama bear instincts would tell me that I just always need to watch both girls at all times.
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No no.. it was about 10 SECONDS, if that. I was watching both girls when I turned around to put away my cup. She's one though and moves fast. She wasn't in danger. It was more of the principle that as soon as we lost track of her, I was blamed for it, even though at that time, we agreed he'd have her until I was ready for her.
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I find it curious that you find it so important and bothersome that he said 3am if it was 2am. It makes zero difference. Staying that late arguing is a bit strange and I’d feel it was all night too. Perhaps he exaggerated. I don’t see any benefit in texting fight especially late at night. There are more serious issues in your home than him being wrong on the time
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We ended our conversation just before 2am. He initially said we were "up all night". We weren't so I clarified.. he then said 3 or 4pm. It's a habit for him to exaggerate and minimize a situation, much like the scenario of him shouting for police.. completely out of proportion.. that's why it's a trigger. He's admitted he does this. It's not ok.
We were discussing the incident because I felt it was important for him to understand where I was coming from. I wanted him to realize how his actions scared our girls and what my intentions were when I entered the room. He was in complete denial because he was stuck in his head. We started the conversation at midnight. We discussed some solutions to consider. I set boundaries.
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Your partner is incompetent parent. He can’t be trusted alone with kids. He is unable or unwilling to be responsible for them. You said he can’t even baby sit them when you are out of the house for 2 hours. I’d not allow him alone with kids
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He's a good dad and has a good attachment with both his girls. It's only when he gets into this mental mode (the feeling of rejection and perceived attack) that he becomes emotional and out of proportion. Remember, we're not in crisis on a regular basis. I just noticed since my older daughter was 1yr, that his reactions have intensified.
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rather than putting down your foot about unacceptable and abusive behaviors.
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That's exactly what I've been doing. I've been setting and keeping my boundaries. This incident is yhe first time in 6 years this has happened to this level. He does have a medical condition. I'm unable to leave right now so the only thing I CAN do is understand it so I can better be prepared.
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He should be aware of the fact that his behavior towards you, ie, raising his voice, accusing you of abuse and threatening to call police and social services is NOT OK and something you will NEVER allow.
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I agree, 100% and that was part of the conversation I was having with him until 2am.
I've raised a 20yr old with special needs who had volatile behaviours at times. If I didn't UNDERSTAND his behaviours, I was not of any help and the behaviours would continue. It was always important for me to get to the root of the situation so I knew how to handle it best.