My SI used to manifest mostly as impulses, but lately it's become more of a conviction that I just don't want to live anymore. The only problem is, I have to, because I have a family and kids counting on me. That makes me feel trapped, like I've got myself tangled in a web that I can't escape from. And like I'm condemned to just wander around feeling empty and meaningless for another 60 years or whatever. I find myself wishing my wife would just leave me already so I wouldn't have to feel guilty anymore. I don't know if it's just the depression talking but I don't like the prospect of carrying on like this.