Hi, XbeyondX, and welcome to Psych Central! We can't diagnose you, since we're mainly fellow travelers on the road to better mental health, but it does seem like you have a lot going on.

It doesn't sound like OCD to me--but rather intrusive thoughts and feelings, fueled by lots of anger--possible due to abuse. I am glad you're seeing a therapist. I made the decision to do that years ago and it has been life changing.

Like me, it sounds like you didn't get what you needed from your mother, and are reaching out to fill that void. I suggest you check out these forums as well to see if any of them sound familiar: https://psychcentralforums.com/survivors-of-abuse/ and https://psychcentralforums.com/child...ional-neglect/. Between Skeez and me, we'll keep you reading!

I agree that you need to tell your therapist everything as you feel more comfortable with her. I even wanted to crawl into my therapist's lap one time, since she was so nurturing.

It's normal for initial therapy to make us feel uncomfortable and to "stir up the pot," but hang in there. We are giving you suggestions, but it will be up to your therapist to diagnose you--which might take a bit.

We're glad you contacted us--and we are here for you. Again, welcome!