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you are not confronting HIM with the fact that he is abusive and that his behaviors are outrageously offensive, divisive, and unacceptable.
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Since our couple's therapist mentioned his behaviours were abusive, a year ago, I've been telling him the same. I think it's why he's now putting it on me.. afterall, I did put my hands on him, so now I'm "physically abusive" even though no one got hurt and my INTENT was not to hurt him. He's projecting. He doesn't like it when I use the word "abuse".. and so I do again and again.
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Instead, you're trying to learn how to better respond to his needs around rejection so that he doesn't get triggered.
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No. I'm learning how to better respond to the BEHAVIOUR, as it's playing out. I've talked with him about needing to address the rejection .. nor have I stopped setting personal boundaries and limiting my "break" times.
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I will NOT tolerate this behavior! And if It continues, I will not be a romantic partner for you! Then the behavior is going to continue and it will escalate further.
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I'm not "tolerating" it. I'm addressing these concerns. It's why he's now in therapy. I told him again and again, he is PUSHING ME AWAY by these behaviours. It's really not a CHOICE that I'm UNABLE to give/receive affection.. and I'm not even talking about sex. If he wants to have HIS needs met, he'll need to meet MINE. I've compromised a bit because of the improvements I HAVE seen but I did tell him not to "push it". I'm not a robot. I don't have a "turn off" switch.
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Debriefing him each time is not going to cut it unless you tell him that his behavior is not allowed and is entirely unacceptable to you
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I'm puzzled that you're saying this, after everything I've said already. Debriefing is THE ticket that got him to seek professional help.