Image is very important to me too. I am not causing problems or speaking poorly of my husband to other people. If he wants for people to have a good image of himself, all he has to do is to behave and take responsibility. I do understand being unable to leave but I don’t understand finding excuses or justifying bad behaviors.
I’d not be able to forgive if my husband lied about me to people, heck even if he was saying unpleasant truth. That’s a classic abuse technique. Alienating you from others by making you look bad. I understand staying under the circumstances, but why not face what’s really happening. He is abusing you and lying about you to make himself look better then he tells you what he read in DBT books and what you want to hear.
Then you debriefing and what other things you do. He humors you and then keeps his bad behaviors. Now he is financially bankrupt in addition to other. things. If he has prominent family they can take him in
Longer you stay and find excuses for him more likely he’ll make it look that you are the abuser here and he is the victim
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