See, I disagree with you on this. Understanding his behaviours empower me. Debriefing with him afterwards HAS been effective. I'm stuck physically, yes, but it doesn't mean I'm allowing anything to happen. Progress IS being made BECAUSE of me.

What I'm being more mindful about now are his triggers. Yep, I've listed them. Gottman advises to label our feelings so when he's in this state, I can simply state something like, "Remember, this is a rejection issue," and prompt him. I haven't quite figured out how this will play out yet because it's all new. Having him address these 3 issues with his therapist will give me building blocks to work with.

Under the circumstances, I want to work with him, not against.. and not because I'm afraid.. it's to prevent an escalation, and allow him time to learn and work through it, via DBT and strategies givenby his therapist. I really don't think this approach is wrong. It may not be your style, I get it.