I hear you about letting go of that dream! I think most folks go into a partnership with the idea of building a dream and working toward it together. A beautiful dream is hard for anyone to let go. For me it was a picture full of love and joy and wondrous hope. But the love and security evaporated into chaos and fear. It took me several years to let go of that dream even as it slipped away. The breaking point was when child protective services opened a case against my wife for her physical and mental abuse of our younger daughter. Impossible to hang onto any dream after that. And now, freedom. Sometimes unwelcome, but freedom. I hope you find a way to have freedom.