Today I am wanting to self harm. I'm so close to making it to my six month mark so I don't know what has gotten into me. I think part of it is that I'm bored, but not truly that I'm bored, there is something beneath the bored feelings whether it is self loathing or a feeling of being worth less. (Not worthless, but literally worth less than.) Maybe there is just a part of me that really wants to mess up because things have been going good for me lately with my MI and I don't know how to handle it going well. I want to mess up because I know how to deal with a mess up. I don't know how to deal with things going well with my MI. Then there is the extra stress of the furlough and not bringing in as much money. I have money saved up so that's good. And I can dip into investments if needed, so it's not like I have zero options. IDK. I know I need to text my support people and talk to them about this. I don't want to though. I just want to cut and then be like have to deal with the aftermath.