Hi. I’m new here. After 15 years of standing by my bi-polar, substance addicted husband I am filing for divorce. We have been separated for a couple of years In the hopes that he would get and stay sober and trying to work things out. However, he kept relapsing, promising to go to therapy and not following through. Then I found out yesterday that despite maintaining that he loves me and wants us to be together, he’s been cheating on me with a 21 year old meth addict. He’s twice her age! And in the space of 2 months, she’s moved in with him and they’re in a relationship. I stood by him for 15 years, yet he lied to me repeatedly and didn’t have the decency to just end things. Instead he goes behind my back and does this while still telling me he loves me. Despite how disgusted I am, and how relieved I know I should be to finally be done with the lies, gaslighting, and abuse, I can’t help but feel incredibly lonely. I keep looking at my phone hoping for a call to know that I matter-that everything we had didn’t just vanish in the space of a day and then being bombarded by the sickening realization that he’s not calling because he’s lying in bed next to her. Every time I close my eyes I can see them together and I feel sick. I don’t want to think about them in that way, but my brain won’t shut off. When I finally do sleep, I’ve been jolted awake by those images and the gut wrenching realization that I’m suddenly nothing to him. I can’t sleep or function at all really because I’m heartbroken. But he’s cuddled up with his new girlfriend and I’m not even a passing thought. How does someone do that? Tell you they love you more than anything for years and years and then turn around and do this? Just erase you, trade you in...when even the night before this came to light he was texting that he loves me? Will I ever find peace again?