I can see both sides. I've lived both sides. I agree with bpcyclist that we're dealing with an electrochemical, neuroendocrine, and anatomic disorder of the human brain. I think understanding that better will lead to future breakthroughs. Right now, I think people see the reactions we experience as a chain of events, but really it is more of a complex web of interactions.

As for positive thinking... In some cases I think positive thinking is actually kryptonite. If your thoughts are reinforcing themselves and you're on a high, adding a dose of positive thinking to that can fuel a fire.

I believe it is all about the ability to see where you are, where you are going and where you'd like to be. From there you can see which forces are at play and then apply counter force or supporting force to get you there. That is incredibly tricky to do. I was successful for a time without meds. I believe it can be done at times. However, at least for me, things can shift incredibly quickly and I have learned that sometimes meds are the counter force I need to shift back to stability. I am in that boat at this very moment. I am using the right tool at the right time to keep myself and my family safe. My pride hurts a little, but that is an opportunity for personal growth for me. I feel broken at times, but my husband told me the other day I would be broken if I wasn't willing to do the right thing to address my issues. Admitting I needed help was incredibly hard, but it set me free.

Meds can also be a force that causes instability and more issues than we would have otherwise. I feel they are used as a solution far too often when in some cases they are better served as a situational tool that constantly needs to be reevaluated for value. For some, meds need to continually be in the mix. I recognize that. For others, they can be a crutch to get you through a rough patch. Both can be true. I think insight, environment, support, and one's personal history all play a role.

Most of all, I think it is important we honor each other and recognize how incredibly unique we all are. We should be brave and honest and point out when people are potentially falling victim to delusions, but we should also consider that everyone's strength of will to control their own thoughts and emotions varies. Because of that, everything everyone has said here is 100% accurate because it is true for them. I support you all in whatever works for you and encourage you to change whatever is not working. We all deserve to find health in whatever form that comes in.

I learned a lot from this current cycle of my disorder. I will take what I learned and carry it with me to hopefully make even better choices for myself in the future.

And finally, to everyone who taught me how episodes manifest through offering their experiences here... I want to extend my deepest gratitude. Your stories of triumph and struggle helped me see issues when they happened to me this time around. It gave me better insight. That helped me stop a train before it went off the rails which is why I am still at home with my family right now instead of in a hospital. I can never thank you enough. You all are my heroes.