I'm at three weeks of whatever this mania is. I realized this morning that when I take my trileptal higher dose in the morning I buy myself a few hours of relief and sanity. It doesn't seem to last through the afternoon though. It's weird.

I've decided to call my p-doc on Tuesday when they are back in the office and ask for biweekly appointments until I'm back in control of myself. My life is full of changes at work. Tons. They keep on coming. Hit after hit, and they are bad. I'm doing everything I can to hold myself together, but its so hard. I need the adjustments to go faster, and I need her to be actively involved in the awful process. I found a great program at a local hospital where they will evaluate me, design a coping strategy, recommend a medicine regimen, and work with my perscriber to find the right care plan. It's a place that focuses on bipolar. That sounds awesome. I told my pdoc's secretary about it, and hoped she wouldn't butcher the message and somehow it came back to me, as 'fine, you want to get a second opinion you can get one.' Jeesh. Can't we be adult enough to recognize that my life is literally at stake here? Every nerve in my body is being scraped at the same time. My head won't stop spinning. Yet I still hate everything about myself. Everything. And yet I am fighting. Stupid.

Sending love and vibes to those who need it. Rainbow, I'm so sorry for your loss. I haven't been able to say it until now. bpcyclist, I've been worried about you, too.