Hello Adventurer: Thank you for bringing your concern here to PC. I see this is your first post. Welcome to Psych Central

I'm sorry you find yourself in such a difficult situation. Unfortunately I don't think there is any insight I could offer into what may be going on with your wife. I suspect this is something that would have to be determined by a mental health professional who was working with your wife. And, from what you wrote, it doesn't sound as though she may be seeking professional mental health care for herself. Perhaps there will be other PC members who will have some thoughts they can share though.

Sometimes people who have a mental illness can be simply unaware of the fact. This condition is called: anosognosia. Here's a link to a healthline.com article on the subject:

Anosognosia: Definition, Causes, Symptoms, Treatment, and More

And then here are links to 4 articles, from Psych Central's archives, that (hopefully) may be of some help in dealing with the grief you are experiencing over this:

Shocked that Your Spouse Left? Here's the Secret to Recovery

10 Tips for Navigating Heartbreak

Love, Heartbreak & How to Recover

8 Tips for Healing Emotional Wounds

My best wishes to you. I hope you find PC to be of benefit.