I need to just choose a routine, and then stick to it. It seems easy. But it isn't. I have had so much change lately that I'm not keeping up. I've got a need to find a routine, but I'm indecisive. I'm scared that I'll get it wrong.

But there is no "right" way, there is only my way. If I don't make better choices, I could lose out on my dreams.

Here I sit. Waiting for an answer.... And waiting. It's not getting me closer to what I want. In recent days I have found hope. Yet I am still letting the past come into my mind. And that keeps me stuck.

After writing this, I feel even more stuck. Well that didn't work.

Action is the only way through in the direction I want to go. I need to define my end goal. And then a wave of frustration comes. Where do I want to go? I know I want to be a role model for others, to share my story and give people hope. How do I do this? I need to plan and then go for it. I'm sitting here, petrified, and unwilling to act. I'm letting the comments that I heard from the bullies impact me now. I keep saying I'm worthless! I'm unlovable. I can't do anything right.

When the truth is I'm important, and of worth to others. I don't believe that. But somewhere deep down I do.

When I started to write I didn't think that it would come down to feeling worthless.

I need to build a routine where I feel worthy of everything I do for that day. I need to break the bands of the past, and become a stronger version of the old me who learned from years of pain.