You’d think I could catch a break. It’s funny how the mind works. I’m finally in a place away from major sources of my stress and anxiety and I can be independent. Things are coming together and I was feeling great. Then, the memories and images started again.

I’m not ready to process this crap. I just want to work towards my positive goals and enjoy my days off. Too bad my mind has different plans.

I’m sorry— I know this isn’t a trauma thread, so I won’t get into it too much. It’s just if it’s not one issue it’s another. I cant control it so I have to do something with it. My therapist and I meet next week, I guess I’ll try to tune it out until then.

I haven’t left the bed in these days off. It’s partly because of all the crap that’s flooding my brain, and partially because I’m just lazy. At least at work I’m being productive. I’m kinda ready to go back, haha.

Just to share a piece of a song that really resonates with me today. I kinda look at it as what’s happening these days.

“From the bottom of my heart
Comes a cold dark feeling
I have buried so much in the layers I’m peeling
From the bottom of my heart
A battle with come
Marching back up the steps
Into the rays of the sun

From the bottom of my heart
Comes a cold dark feeling
Wrapped around tight
With no sign of leaving...”

So I’ll leave it at that: I’m trying to enjoy the triumph of what I have been through recently, and I’m fighting. I deserve to enjoy that happiness, right?

I’ll be OK. There’s too much good right now to focus on the bad.