Buffy I am sorry you are in a difficult situation. It seems like you are trying to direct his healthcare and he is resisting. Maybe it is time to see if insurance company can assign him a caseworker or the disability office he uses could be notified.

It does not have to be black and white. You could stop trying to direct his treatment and just be a friend and someone that gets his groceries. It does not have to be all or nothing depending on your own ability to self care and take care of yourself. 3 hours trying them to convince them to go to ER with them resisting is not something that seems helpful to either of you..

You may find these articles of interest
Symptoms of Codependency

Am I Codependent?

Recovery from Codependency

Codependency Recovery: Moving Past Resistance

Codependency vs. Interdependency