Most of my posts are about his behaviours toward me. When he gets into this mental state and threatens to end the relationship and take the kids, of course it scares me. I don't care if a 50/50 split is typical. Our girls are very young and still depend on me for nursing and sleep comfort. Just that alone would affect them if the court allows him rights to overnights.. just that alone.

Then I expressed fears around him potentially asking for at least 60% for his own financial needs. Our last episode, he threatened he'd take them for 100% of the time. Parental alienation. That's abuse. That's not looking at the girls' best interest.

But again, he says and does the opposite when he's back at baseline. That "splitting" term I mentioned is a real concern. How he behaves when he's "off" is likely how he'll behave when we seperate.. making unreasonable demands, with support of his family and convincing of the courts. It's a genuine FEAR.

Yes, there are times I feel he doesn't think things through, or what's acceptable to him is not at par with what others would do.. like the swing incident. Her fall could have been prevented. She wasn't seriously injured though, so the courts wouldn't put any weight on it.

I mentioned it's been me who initiates conversations around parenting concerns, strategies, and behaviour management. He's a "good parent" because he at least tries to take to these strategies. If I'm not there, I won't know.. so playing favouritism between the girls is not ok. The courts wouldn't look at that. Bedsharing for his own emotional needs, while under the influence of cannabis, is not ok. Crying in front of the girls when trying to manage their behaviours is not ok.. etc. So there are concerns but none that the courts would take into consideration.

So yes, I can't leave right now due to the multiple barriers. I'm also afraid to, regardless if my fears are rational or not. To be told 50/50 is common.. well, not for MY kids. They're 3 and 1. Four hours apart is too much time for them.. let alone, 50%.. 60.. 100.