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I’ve been living in this body for 42 years. I always thought I was stuck with it, so I learned to live with it. When I was a teenager I tried to live as a male. Eventually I gave up on it due to my height and harassment. I forced myself to be more female and as I got older I learned to tolerate it even though I longed to have a male body. I had to. There did not seem to be any options for a person like me until I learned about medical transition three years ago. I only seriously started to consider this option last summer. A few weeks ago I discussed this with my GP. She said she would help make this reality. I told her that I didn’t want to rush and would seek some therapy to help me sort out a few things first, while I finish my training.
My biggest fear of medical transition is being disrespected by medical professionals. This is a huge deal since I was emotionally butchered and mistreated by them in the mid 1990s at a children’s hospital. It left me traumatized. Now I fear regular interaction with medical professionals, since I’ve been subjected to so much mistreatment and disrespect. Whenever I meet one for the first time I expect to be misunderstood and judged, so I approach them with extreme caution. Can I subject myself to that kind of harm to live as a male? I don’t know right now. All I know is that I would never pass without hormones.
I need some suggestions on how I should deal with medical professionals. How can I pursue this without becoming an object that they can probe and ridicule? How can I be treated with respect?
I know, I need to seek out the services of a therapist who specializes in gender. The pandemic is making that very difficult to do right now.
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Dx: Didgee Disorder
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