I was sexually abused from the age of 8 to about 15.

When I was about 15-17, I went through two years where my social life was an absolute mess. I had unprotected sex with both boys and girls, and also several vague relationships. You could say that I was somewhat promiscuous, I was kind of well known in my group friends that I 'slept around' (I studied in a girl school, but we mixed with boys from nearby schools, we all knew each other). I just didn't care, and I was numb, I didn't feel anything, I constantly put myself at risk, and I set myself up to be taken advantaged of. It was like an escape, or like a way of self harming, a way of verifying my thinking that I was slut, and I was worthless.

That lasted two years. And I went to the other extreme. I completely shut down and I haven't been in any close relationship with anyone. I had a hard time with friends, lets just say the friends I had weren't really friends, they didn't care about me at all, they just secretly talked about me from my back, and judged me. But I have since actually made friends with people that genuinely care, they weren't the one I used to hang out with when I was still in high school, but you get the drama, things change as you get older.

I can't even stand being physically or emotionally close with anyone without it being somewhat triggering. It's a contrast to when I was younger, but did anyone experienced similar?