Yes, we gravitate and are attracted to what is familiar to us. So if abuse was familiar to you in childhood, it's likely that you would be attracted to a similar personality in adulthood. Abuse is cyclical and has stages where it IS on and off. Abusers are not always bad, or else they would have no one in their lives. It is good you're both in therapy, but in order for therapy to truly work, he has to acknowledge and own up to his abusive behaviors towards you AND to genuinely want to change those behaviors.