TW: VODKA, FEELING ALONE AND RELAPSE

I've never posted on this forum but I'm drunk on vodka and have a meeting with a psychologist tomorrow regarding my anorexia. She thinks it's connected to my sexually abusive father and that it's him telling me to make myself smaller but I find it as a way of controlling my body for once in my life and break free from his control. I'm restricting and eating one meal a day. I don't know if i want to tell my treatment team that I've relapsed: I was 3 months inpatient last year because of my anorexia.. please someone say anything about my post: what you think, how it makes you feel, if you relate, advice you would give.. ANYTHING! Even a ****in joke about how ****** it is to have a ****ing eating disorder. All memes are welcome here! I just want some comments I can read however relevant they are, please I feel so alone. I love you all and thank you for this website in a weird ****ed up way l, I don't feel so alone.. Anyways here's a meme to start the ball rolling (putting out the fire e.g. anorexia without treating the root cause e.g. PTSD)