Work went by super fast yesterday. Of course I spent 10 hours talking to myself of the crap going on with me now but hey— time passed by! I got “upgraded” to full time associate (just basically means I get amazon’s benefit package now and paid time off)

1/4 of the workweek down! I don’t mind the walking to be honest, it’s healthy and I need to exercise: 10mi a day ain’t nothing anymore. 1mi per hour? Psh, easily done.

Life without so much soda is going well. I don’t keep it at the place I stay and only drink water here — but allow for a can or two at work. It’s a good compromise because why take away the only joy I got in life? Lol

I thought I ruined my car by accidentally putting in premium gas rather than regular. I freaked out and thought it would explode or something. Turns out, it’s fine lol.

Now for the harder stuff — I’m thinking since things are coming together the way they are it may be time to let my family know where I am and what’s going on. I get paid (for the first time... thank GOD) Friday: and I’ll finally be supporting myself again. Until then it’s bologna sandwiches and water, (but what else do I really need?). My family knows I’m safe and OK. They have no idea i lived in my car or how any of this played out and I might skip that part all together, there’s no need for them to know that. My mom is not going to take this news well. I can already hear here comments and disparaging remarks about how I’m making her worry endlessly because I live here. I don’t want to, but I can’t keep her in the dark forever— I gotta let go to move on.

Anyone else notice it’s just when things start getting better something has to happen? I’ve noticed a trend (well, this is only the second time) but whenever I am away from my mom and that situation (last time was a very rough situation too), when things calm.... a whirlwind of crap comes up that I need to process through mentally. It’s so Inopportune. I should be focused on getting my ***** together and on my feet— not stuff from 20+ years ago. But then again, my mind gets to decide what comes up and when.

Taking my meds like I’m supposed to and I think they do help. The seroquel is helping a lot, so the switch out is a good one from abilify:

Have therapy Thursday, got way too much and just context or some stuff will take an hour. This is what I hate about a new therapist, however she’s been helpful and has really allowed me to tangibly say I’m working towards my goals. It’s not a cloudy “I’m moving forward” feeling or hope but visible steps taken towards it. I know it’s dumb I never thought of it before but it really keeps me motivated and on track, and despite what my mind says that is still my main priority.

I gotta save some money— I’m only getting a weeks pay and won’t be paid again for 2 weeks (seasonal associates get paid weekly, full time every 2), but I would still like to treat myself after essentials are bought. I’m thinking maybe a fast food restaurant I haven’t been to in a long time, like steak and shake. I used to love their food. It won’t be super expensive and I’ll feel like I treated myself.

Anyway, that’s that. I’m losing weight (and my belly!), I’m working hard— to make money and on improving my life, and everything seems pretty well managed right now: I won’t complain. It could be tons worse.

MarcusAurelius